I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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