if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
