I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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