Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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