Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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