How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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