Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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