I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
