I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
