my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
