Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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