I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
