he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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