Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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