he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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