He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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