I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
