Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
