What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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