First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
