and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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