Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
