Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
