Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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