you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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