so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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