She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
