it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize