All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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