So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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