What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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