I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
