sorry about calling you the devil all night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
