btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize