he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
