Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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