I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
