Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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