Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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