Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
