You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
