it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
