I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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