Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
