I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
