you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
