She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk walkin through police station. America
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
