On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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