i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
