just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
