So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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