After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
