They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize