i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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