You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
