now i know why i became what i already was.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
