Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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