This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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