I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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