I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
