I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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