Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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