watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
