If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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