It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
