Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
