why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
