I think I died a long time ago.
Non-Jews are for practice
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
