I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
