Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
These tits shall not be calmed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
