WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize