I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
