I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
