READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
