Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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