I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
