were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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